HEADLINE NEWS

Breaking News: Congressman's pants spontaneously combust

WASHINGTON D.C. - Officials have reported that the pants of Republican Congressman Joe Wilson spontaneously combusted as he walked to his office this morning. According to authorities, the South Carolina Congressman, who shouted out "you lie" during President Obama's address to Congress last night, was not injured from the incident, but his pants were declared a complete loss. Investigators have ruled out arson, saying, "It appears to be an actual case of spontaneous combustion."

Experts on such matters say this is a clear instance of the karmatic principle, "What goes around comes around." Harvard Professor Sofar Sogood, who teaches a course called, "The Wisdom of My Name is Earl," explained the phenomena as an example of how, "when you f*** with the universe, the universe f***'s with you."

At an informal press conference outside the emergency room where the Congressman was taken, but not treated because his health insurance card burned up with his pants, Rep. Wilson told reporters, "I apologize for disrespecting the President. I will never disrespect President Obama again, or may I be struck down by lightning." Upon hearing this, reporters all dived for cover, except the Fox News crew, who stood there with silly grins and empty eyes.