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HEADLINE NEWS
Republicans demand children receive vaccinations to counteract Obama's school address
WASHINGTON D.C. - Worried that schoolchildren will be infected with socialist ideas, several leading Republicans have called for mandatory vaccinations of all students who actually listen to President Obama's controversial school speech. GOP Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma, a medical doctor, says children are very susceptible to infectious ideas like socialism and the homosexual agenda, thus "need to be vaccinated to stop the spread of anti-ChristoAmerican thoughts in their little heads." Coburn points to the success of anti-communist vaccines that were mixed into small pox vaccinations during the 1950's and 60's. "We were able to eradicate small pox and stop the spread of communism all with one vaccine," he said.
Former Alaska governor and Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin also spoke out in favor of vaccinations. According to Palin, "No one is a bigger supporter of education than I, me, myself . . . whatever. Heck, I attended five different colleges in six years." Palin continued, "The real issue here is exposing young children who don't have fully developed political immune systems to the infectious oratory of Obama. He was successful at spreading his socialist agenda to college students during last year's election. If we don't stop him this time, little Johnny and Susie will be paling around with terrorists on the playground."
Radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh said the White House claim that Obama is simply encouraging children to work hard and stay in school is a bunch of crap. "Hell," said Limbaugh through his potato chip filled mouth, "I flunked out of college and have never done a day's worth of physical labor, and I'm freaking rich. Only in America."
Several school administrators in Texas and South Carolina have announced plans to offer free anti-Obama vaccinations to students. According to school officials, this way parents can safely send their children to school, thus still being eligible for perfect attendance certificates at the end of the school year.
| Major pharmaceutical companies have offered to provide
the vaccines as part of their "Health Care Reform = The End of the World"
campaign. The plan does have some drawbacks because manufacturing limitations make it so
children will not be able to receive both the anti-Obama vaccine and the Swine Flu
vaccine. For some parents, it may be a tough decision, but for others, like Whitey
Whitehead, it's a no brainer. "Have my kids run a 104 degree fever and vomit for days
or have them listen to President Osocialist? You do the math . . . seriously, do the math
for me. I can't figure out how to use this damn calculator." White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs told reporters that the uproar over the President speaking to schoolchildren was just another example of the "silly season" of politics. "Silly, silly, silly," sang the Press Secretary as he pranced around the room. |
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