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| HEADLINE NEWS |
HEAVEN - In a move that many theologians say was not surprising, the Holy Spirit has left the Trinity. Citing irreconcilable artistic differences, the Holy Spirit, also known as Sophia Ruach, is joining with the well-known superstar deities Buddha and Vishnu to form a new super-group called, Fatboy Spirit Arms.
The formation of super-groups was popular in late 1960's and early 70's, the most notable being Blind Faith made up of Ginger Baker, Eric Clapton and Stevie Winwood. "We actually had them in mind," said the Holy Spirit. "In fact, we thought about taking their group name. What are they going to do? Take three deities to court?"
Another name kicked around was the New Trinity Minstrels, based on the never really popular folk group the New Christy Minstrels. "The name has a nice ring," said Buddha, "but considering how badly the New Christy Minstrels sucked, we decided it best to avoid anything that might be associated with them."
The Holy Spirit says the new blend of deities will enhance religion around the world. "When was the last time a really good world religion was formed?"
Stories of tension in the Trinity have circulated for hundreds of years. Many theologians were aware the Holy Spirit was unhappy. "Clearly, Sophia Ruach was like the Ringo Starr of the Trinity," observed Karl Fartz, author of Church Dogmatics: Who Let the Heathens Out? "God the Father ruled with an iron fist. All this co-equal and perichoresis stuff was for show," said Fartz.
While not wanting to bash her fellow mates in the Trinity, the Holy Spirit did admit that Jesus was a bit of a spoiled brat. "I know he died for sins and all that, but ever since, he has been a bit of a showman," confided Ruach. "Hell, for awhile he even thought he was bigger than the Beatles."
The Holy Spirit also said she was tired of being stuck with the charismatic Christians. "I inspired the Bible, yes . . . well the good parts, but I am not responsible for the gibberish spouted by a bunch of spastic charismatics." "I do get a kick out of the snake handlers, though," she chuckled.
| Fatboy Spirit Arms has decided to focus on
creating a "meditative social justice while we enjoy life" genre for their new
religion. Vishnu explains, "Our first holy scripture will be a blend of writings from
social justice prophets like Amos, Isaiah, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and Che Guevara. It
will also contain full color illustrations from the Kama Sutra to show our fun side." For their sacred music, the new super-group is hoping to incorporate urban hip-hop with Celtic chants and sitar by Ravi Shankar. "We may even do some Punk Praise music," said Buddha. "I was a big fan of the Sex Pistols." Many religion experts think Fatboy Spirit Arms could attract a large following among people dissatisfied with religions that are thousands of years old. "The Mormons and Scientologists are new religions, but they are considered to be bubble-gum religions. It's like comparing the Archies to Led Zepplin," said one expert. Following the release of their new scripture and sacred music, Fatboy Spirit Arms will embark on a world-wide tour, playing mainly at outdoor stadium venues. "Weather will not be a problem," Vishnu said confidently, waving one of his many arms toward the sky, creating an instantaneous thunder-clap. |
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