HEADLINE NEWS

McCain seeks to expand Cash for Clunkers program

WASHINGTON D.C. - United States Senator John McCain wants to expand President Obama's "Cash for Clunkers" program that encouraged people to trade in old cars for newer, more energy efficient vehicles. McCain's proposal would provide tax credits for middle-aged males who want to trade in old, clunky wives for newer high performance models. According to McCain, the tax credits would help offset the financial headaches often associated with trading in an old wife. "Nearly thirty years ago," McCain said, "when I traded in my first wife, I took a huge financial hit to get rid of her. Thankfully, my new model was wealthy so I came out ahead, but not everyone is so lucky."

Under McCain's plan, all legal and settlement expenses involved with trading in a wife would be eligible for up to $250,000 in tax credits. "I know that seems like a lot, but wife disposal is an expensive proposition," said McCain. "The average business executive who is trading in for a secretary may not be able to afford the extravagant tastes of a new model after being reamed by his old clunker," McCain explained.

McCain indicated that he personally might take advantage of the program. "Even though Cindy is my second wife, she has almost thirty years on her," said the Senator. "I test drove the new Palin model for a few months last fall, and while I didn't get all the political mileage out of it I had hoped, it did make me aware that Cindy was starting to look like a clunker."

Senator McCain's legislation is co-sponsored by Senators John Ensign and David Vitter. South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, though not able to vote on the legislation, has endorsed it. Sanford posted on his "Hiking the Appalachian Trail" blog, "By God, this is what America needs. Cheaper airfare to Argentina would be nice too."

John McCain compares new models to his current clunker