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| HEADLINE NEWS |
WASHINGTON - Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said it's likely the recession has come to an end, but the economy will likely feel weak for some time. Bernanke recommends the economy "take it easy to start with." Worried that too much activity could cause a relapse of recession, Bernanke says, "Lots of liquids are the key. Bottom line, you still can't beat chicken soup."
Bernanke looks to the example of the Great Depression for guidance. "They tried to get the economy back on its feet too quickly and ended up with a relapse in the late 30's. Thank God for World War Two. Every bomb we dropped added to the growth rate."
 Bernanke: "Chicken soup should stay on the menus of soup kitchens." |
Looking at the long term health of the economy,
Bernanke says the key is lifestyle change. "No more late night parties doing blow
with investment bankers. No more going to bed with every subprime mortgage that comes
along. No more trips to Jamaica in corporate jets with CEO's." Bernanke and the Obama administration have proposed stricter guidelines for the economy to keep it out of future trouble. Bernanke says, "The word 'economy' comes from two Greek words meaning 'law of the household.' It's time for this household to lay down the law!" These laws include: regularly calling Bernanke to let him know where the economy is and with whom the economy is hanging out; a midnight curfew; a reduction in weekly allowance, along with requiring more chores to earn the allowance; and a promise to always engage in safe fiscal practice. "Staying away from easy credit is the key," explained Bernanke. "I mean that type of credit is fun, but would you want to bring it home to meet your parents?" Should the economy not perform as expected, Bernanke said another shot of stimulus is a possibility. "We do want to be careful though. Stimulus has possible side effects that include headaches and increased risk of heart attacks. There are also instances of painful, prolonged, or inappropriate economic expansions. In those cases, economies should immediately call their doctor." |